Glass Child

Voice: Katie Polit www.katiepolit.com

Piano: Philip Dannels

Composition and Lyrics by Sapphire Skye Toth:

Lyrics:

See through… as if made of glass

See through… so that they can go past

Be good… handle your needs

Be calm… just let them scream

Be patient because they never are

Grow up fast because they never will

My arms are scarred from their teeth
My shoulders still healing from their nails

My brain is learning what silence is

My heart is learning what love can be

I learned to compete because at home they always had to win

I trained to speak out because at home I had to shut up

I gained every success because it was the only way I would be seen

I always took care of myself but I never show myself care

Got into a brawl defending them at 8

Now I’m always on the attack

Because between fight or flight I’ll take the first

No one can hurt you if you beat them there

Notes:

For the Del Mar International Composers Symposium, the summer of 2024, I composed two pieces that together are "Growing Up Glass." "Glass Cannon," a chamber music piece and this art song: "Glass Child." Both terms are slang that have come to be fairly well known.

Glass Child – the sibling of a person with a high-support mental and/or physical disability. Glass children tend to have their wants and needs set aside because of the high-support needs of their siblings; they tend to set higher standards for themselves to not burden their parents. Glass children tend to develop a sense of guilt about their family situation while simultaneously having to help serve a caregiver role — for many members of Generation Z and older this resulted in not knowing the difference between taking care of themselves and showing themselves care until adulthood.

Glass Cannon – is a popular term in role playing games such as “Dungeons & Dragons” for a character that can pack a punch but is very fragile. They have strong offensive abilities, but weak defensive capabilities. The Urban Dictionary says, “The best way to fully embrace being a glass cannon is to be very careful when you attack, wait for an opening in which you are guaranteed a safe or almost safe hit to be as useful as possible.”

The Body Keeps the Score – In his work “The body keeps the score,” Bessel highlights that traumatic stress is at the root of neuroscience. Traumatic stress is associated with functional and chemical changes in the emotional part of the brain—the limbic area and brain stem. Knowing the functions of the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, as the primary stress responders in the brain, can provide a new therapeutic direction for PTSD management. The hyperactive status of the amygdala triggers the release of stress hormones (Badura-Brack et al., 2018) and impairs the functioning of the hippocampus, causing traumatic memories to remain vivid. In addition, the deactivation of the prefrontal cortex function and the failure to maintain a balanced stress hormone system, causes panic, agitation, and hypervigilance responses in PTSD patients (Koenigs and Grafman, 2009). This hyperactive aroused emotional status can be evidenced by hyperactive brain waves over the fear center of the right temporal lobe of the brain, with suppression of electric activity over the frontal area. ”

I relate to all of these terms and how they are interlinked in my life. Glass Child tells the story of someone learning the term and grieving the childhood that they deserved to have but never will. It is a story where we mourn the child we could have been, and learn to take care of the inner child that we still hold inside. The voice part represents the cycling internal dialogue, as the accompanist represents the physical experience of how the body takes the score.

The use of quartal and quintal harmonies is purposeful, chords that create an atmosphere and make sense in context but don’t have an identity on their own.

Sheet Music is available for rental through Black Tea Music: https://blackteamusic.com/contact/

This Piece Was Made Possible With the Financial Support Of:

Arianna Joy Datu, Aris & Lisa Datu, Tanya Avendaño Stockler, Auntie Elsa and Family, Elisa Farmer, Dana & Mary Ann Whitesides, Jovelyn Sagory, Duane & Siham Toth, Paul & Gemma Toth, Steve & Perci Chase, A. Despres, ZW, Mike and Taeko, Tintin, Richard Kraft, Heidi Pancake, Reina Carreon, Andy Hui, Sonja Thoms, Amanda Jose, Emily Schaub, Nicholas Ward, MaryJane Powell, Cristanta Malig, Ellen Reese, Laura, Bryan Grosbach, and 17 anonymous donors.