Dreamscapes

This piece is about time spent between me and a friend during an attempt to turn our friendship into a romantic relationship. The struggle of admitting my feelings for him, our attempt to start dating—and the end of it, then coming to grips with the reality that we wouldn’t be together. It is to be played on two pianos, with the first pianist on one piano, then the second and third pianists on the second piano. This piece was created in collaboration with three of my peers at UNL who are pianists: Kaleb Wilkening, Sean Lebita, and Elise Frisen. While some swells and dynamics are indicated, I focused on giving the performers descriptors so that they have liberty to perform and interpret the piece as they see fit. The piece is scheduled to be performed by the collaborating pianists in early 2019. For now, a midi recording of all three movements can be found on YouTube.

Movement 1: Unrequited
This movement is defined with repeated phrases, dramatic modulations, and polyrhythmic gestures. These represent the feelings I had, the thoughts I was mulling over repeatedly as I tried to understand not only my feelings but those of my friend. In the end, there is a little bit of hope because we’ve decided to try dating to see if we had the potential for a romantic relationship. In my gut, I didn’t believe it would work—but in my heart I wanted to hope.

Movement 2: Heartfelt Hesitation
This movement is a sad, well-intentioned, empty waltz. The hands are spread out far from each other to achieve that empty feeling, the melody being in the highest part of the piano with the least amount of reverb. The melody searches to find direction, but it doesn’t really know where it’s going. It’s looking for home, but it doesn’t find it. This movement symbolizes the time my friend and I attempted to date, but ultimately decided that we didn’t work that way—even if we wanted to.

Movement 3: Ash Wednesday
My friend and I went three weeks without speaking to each other after we decided not to be together. My emotions became numb, until I saw him again at church on Ash Wednesday. As a child, I always loved Ash Wednesday and the meaning behind it at the Catholic Church. It was the beginning of Lent, a time for self-improvement and preparing for Easter. I felt great sorrow, and all of my feelings coming back angrier and more frustrated. Then in that moment of prayer, I knew I was going to be okay. I wasn’t okay yet, but I was getting there. This movement captures this my reprising old melodies, modulating, and layering them on top of one another. It also introduces a new theme, one of resolution and independence.